Car·mel

Photo

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 13:01:46 -0400

Photo

Fri, 10 Aug 2012 23:16:58 -0400

The life of an only child.

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 18:22:39 -0400

The life of an only child.

i’ve been a lot of places and i have come to find only stupid people are breeding.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 00:34:13 -0400

i’ve been a lot of places and i have come to find only stupid people are breeding.

caitiecarmel “I’m running...

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 04:19:15 -0400

caitiecarmel

“I’m running out…”

Acrylic on wood 2012

Happy Fathers Day Dad. I wish you could be here. I miss you...

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 17:12:45 -0400

Happy Fathers Day Dad. I wish you could be here. I miss you terribly.

Love,

Caitlin

hes kinda a dork but i like dorks so…

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 21:53:51 -0400

hes kinda a dork but i like dorks so…

“A Rift in Rapture” I painted this a day or two...

Mon, 21 May 2012 01:42:00 -0400

“A Rift in Rapture”

I painted this a day or two after my world crumbled when my Dad died. This is my most honest painting I have ever done. My heart was in excruciating pain when I was painting this and even now it hurts.

most amazing dream ever

Tue, 15 May 2012 13:54:37 -0400

so I had this dream last night about me and a friend (whom I never met in real life) were out really late. We lived near the ocean, I think it was mexico, and we went swimming in the most beautiful ocean ever. Neither of us had to come up for breath. It was like we were mermaids. It was so beautiful. The moon light hitting the water was gorgeous. I was a really fast swimmer too. It was like a world where you didn’t need clothes or anything, it was a true utopia. Nothing was wrong with this world and I would give almost anything to go back. Pure bliss.

Photo

Sun, 13 May 2012 22:38:48 -0400

I feel so lost

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:02:24 -0400

I hate feeling this awful sadness. I have never felt something so fiercely. It’s like my heart is on fire and being stabbed with a million shards of glass and being hit with a hammer. Everyone’s heart is broken, why did this have to happen?

going to meet my relatives from Greece tomorrow!

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 00:56:15 -0400

I have never met them before, I am really excited!

Shit is fucked.

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 23:18:00 -0400

So I was painting quietly, listening to Black Sabbath (Sabotage) and then all of the sudden out of nowhere, I broke. I got really fucking pissed off and broke my paintbrush in half, threw it on the ground, hit the wall, stomped into the bathroom and started breaking things. I was just screaming obscenities and screaming nonsense. My grandmother thought I was hurt so she tried to come in but I just wanted to be alone. I am so fucking tired of not having my Dad and it hasn’t even been 2 weeks. I have had this stupid smothering pain in my chest all day. I don’t fucking know anymore. Everything is a god damn lie to me anymore. I am extremely stressed about being behind in my school work, I am graduating May 19, and on top of that my Dad fucking dies. I fucking hate life. It’s so pointless. My mom is making me move and we don’t know what we are going to do with my grandma. I just don’t know anymore, I am not certain of anything. I don’t even know what I want, even for little things like who I want around me and stuff like that. I feel so misguided and I feel like I missing something. I feel like all these pictures are just not enough and his presence is not enough. Nothing is enough anymore. No one can measure up to him. And I am so god damn tired of people telling me if my Dad had a choice to be dead or be with us now he would choose death because he is not in pain anymore. How the fuck does that make sense? I know my Dad would come back for me and my Mom. I know he would want that more than anything even if it meant life’s daily struggles. My Dad would do anything for me. I can’t stop listening to his music and thinking about how we would listen to his songs in his little Nissan Sentra. He was going to buy a Camaro the weekend he died. We would have been listening to Black Sabbath, The Doors, and all that stuff in his new car. Fuck man, what’s the point in living if knowing everyone you care about will die suddenly, soon, or young? Shit is fucked.

I don't want anything anymore.

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 23:31:00 -0400

I don’t want anything anymore

I don’t need anything.

The questions, the visits, the comments just make me see,

how cruel the world is when you love to infinity.

I just want happiness

that’s what we all want, right?

To be warm at night

until the sun comes back up and fights.

The naive adolescent sleeps in it’s cage,

while its heart is contently full of rage,

straining its heart on Center Stage.

-Carmel

What the hell did you leave for me, Dad?

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 15:35:37 -0400

Daddy’s flown across the ocean,

Leaving just a memory

A snapshot in the family album

Daddy, what else did you leave for me?

Daddy, whatcha leave behind for me?

All in all it was just a brick in the wall

All in all it was just bricks in the wall.

Photo

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 00:19:52 -0400

am i crazy

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 16:23:52 -0400

if i say my cat is me in cat form?

Dear Carmel you seem very talented and have a good eye for the unknown. I do wonder in such a mind like yours, what is it you are most prideful of?

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 02:18:32 -0500

staying true to myself, i know that may sound super cliche. however, i have been through a lot of painful and happy events in my life and that has made me able to stay truer to myself than most people i know. i channel those happy and painful experiences into all my art work as well. all my paintings have depth to some degree, some sad some happy but mostly i try to convey as many emotions as possible…..especially at equilibrium to one another. that is another thing i am most proud of, conveying emotion through art.

my art

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:08:22 -0500

i will be posting more soon. this will mainly be an art page of my stuff, right now its just a average tumblr.

ilovehimilovehimifuckinglovehim.

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:18:33 -0500

joey: i have the urge to have sex with you when i come over.

me: as much as i want to be sexed up, i am too sick. when will you get here?

joey: in about a hour. i can take care of you when i get there.

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